Season 4, Year 3, Volume 1, Episode 107 // Future Us is as Lazy as Current We
F**kface #107 · published 2022-06-15 · archive #115

[0:00:04] Eric: Gavin's early. I don't know how to feel about this. Yeah, he's a minute early.
[0:00:08] Andrew: Oh, he jumped the gun. He left. He panicked.
[0:00:13] Eric: I was just going to get into what this episode was or what the last one was. Were you there for the last one, Eric? Yeah. You were. You left the next day. I'm sorry. I was just trying to ruin the timeline. That's fine. You're all good. We're still waiting for Gavin, and then I can get right into it, and then it's all up, and then it's all on you guys. Another 30 seconds, and he should be here. Just 30 more seconds. So if there's any pleasantries you want to get out of the way. No, I feel pretty good about pleasantries. Geoff, anything pleasantries?
[0:00:40] Geoff: I have nothing pleasant to say.
[0:00:42] Andrew: Oh.
[0:00:44] Geoff: I have nothing unpleasant to say either. Okay, you're just neutral.
[0:00:47] Eric: Yeah, that's good.
[0:00:48] Andrew: That's an important clarification.
[0:00:50] Eric: I thought maybe this was going to be like you were in a Gavin mood, you know, like you're in a bad mood.
[0:00:56] Geoff: No, I feel way better than Gavin. Oh, okay, cool.
[0:00:59] Andrew: I got a quick pleasantry. Dairy Queen has its own like menu in Texas, I learned last night. I thought that was very weird. Like they operate on a different level in Texas. Like it has its own slogan. It has its own website. It's not even originating in Texas. No. I thought that was very strange. It sucks for Face Jam.
[0:01:18] Eric: It's like truly awful.
[0:01:20] Andrew: Oh, just because like people want you to cover their food.
[0:01:23] Eric: The first time we tried to do Dairy Queen, they didn't have the food, so we had to eat like a McRib.
[0:01:29] Andrew: That's great. It was weird. I was looking at their mascots because I forgot I saw like an old Mr. Misty ad with Dennis the Menace. I was like, oh yeah, they had fucking Dennis the Menace was their mascot for a while. Why? Oh, hell yeah. What happened with that? And he was their mascot from like 77 until 2002 where they were like, kids don't know who Dennis the Menace is anymore. Like there's no, he is completely irrelevant in the general culture scape. Let's get a new mascot that's just lips. Just floating lips that talk. Like it's just strange.
[0:02:01] Geoff: I will say that Dennis the Menace 90s movie with the kid from Rushmore as Dennis and then I think Walter Matthau. Yes, it was Walter Matthau. Uh, was fucking awesome. I don't know if you guys have seen it lately. Yes. I remember being very, very good.
[0:02:18] Andrew: I don't know if the movie's great, but Christopher Lloyd is so fucking scary as the villain in that movie. Like way beyond what a villain should be in a kid's movie. In a kid's movie, absolutely. He is so fucking creepy.
[0:02:30] Geoff: Remember like Mr. Wilson was like, I feel like the subplot was Mr. Wilson was like, we're doing horticulture and he was like about to, he's about to have a, a rare orchid bloom for the first time in like 50 years. And he was trying to keep Dennis away from ruining it.
[0:02:47] Andrew: Does that sound right? I mean, it does, but it also feels like the plot to an NES game. That's true. That's the plot of the NES.
[0:02:54] Eric: Like it feels the same. We just had this kind of like similar conversation in Face Jam because we just had a Dairy Queen. And the thing that I brought up is that Dennis, there's two Dennis, the menaces.
[0:03:06] Andrew: Are you aware of this? I think we, didn't we talk about this on the show that there's like a British Dennis, the menace that has nothing to do with the other Dennis. They just coincidentally existed at the same time. That's news to me. No, we talked about this on this show. On this show? On this show.
[0:03:23] Eric: We talked about it on Face Jam and it was like, I couldn't believe, look at his little gremlin dog. I think, I think I would remember if we talked about it on this show. Well, now that Gavin is late, like, look at this fucking thing.
[0:03:39] Geoff: What is, like, look at this. Like, I'm pretty sure, hey, Gavin, what's up, buddy?
[0:03:43] Gavin: Oh, my mic was reset. I had to re-put in all my, do I sound the same? Yeah, you sound good, you sound great. You sound fine. You sound flustered because you're three minutes late. Are we talking, are we talking the Beano? Are we talking Dennis, the menace? What's going on?
[0:03:55] Eric: Okay, so this is episode 107. The last episode was all about a home vibe inspector, how to buy a house, getting trench foot in the bathtub, the big bad werewolf, and the jackass too spicy icy. So this is episode 107. Go nuts.
[0:04:12] Andrew: We talked about the Dennis, the menace thing before, right, Gavin, on the show? The British Dennis, the menace?
[0:04:17] Gavin: I don't know how Dennis, the menace was invented one day apart from Dennis, the menace.
[0:04:21] Andrew: We've talked about this on here before. I think it's like we've never had this conversation.
[0:04:25] Geoff: Eric said they talked about it on Face Jam. I don't remember these pictures or ever talking about this.
[0:04:30] Andrew: I don't think we did photos, but we definitely talked about it.
[0:04:33] Geoff: Nick doesn't remember it either. Maybe it was like you guys talked about it in the post show.
[0:04:37] Gavin: I remember as a kid seeing clips from the movie and wondering why they cast like a little blonde kid as Dennis the menace when he looks absolutely nothing. And I was like, where the hell's Nasher?
[0:04:50] Andrew: Wait, his name's Nasher? The little dog. The little dog's Nasher. It's a great name for a dog.
[0:04:56] Geoff: Eric wants us to do an intro and Nick said, yeah. Oh, no, he's saying, yeah, look at his teeth. I thought he was like aggressively supporting Eric. Hello and welcome to episode 107 of the Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey with me as always. Gavin Free, Andrew Panton in no particular order. I like and hate them the exact same amount. Not playing. No favorites to play there. This is year three. Finally. No. See. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Year three. Yeah. For a while. Season four, year three, volume one, episode 107.
[0:05:29] Andrew: I will say the intros faced me. Recently and in an unexpected way, somebody reached out and said that we skipped an episode number that we went from like 86 to 88. And I was like, that that'd be funny if that was true. If we have been one week off this entire time, that would be great. So then I went to confirm it and our intros are all over the fucking place. And it was a nightmare to try to determine when we said an episode name or not. Fuck you.
[0:05:59] Geoff: Soundboard, please, Nick. If you could clip that for me, I'll need that for the break show.
[0:06:07] Andrew: It's like, OK, is it in the beginning or is it 35 minutes into this episode? I don't know where to look. It could be anyway. You really faced yourself with that, Andrew. It was unfortunate.
[0:06:18] Geoff: Yeah, I don't think the most disruptive intro person in the in the history of the show.
[0:06:24] Andrew: You think I'm the disruptive intro person?
[0:06:26] Geoff: Yes, I do.
[0:06:27] Andrew: That's fair. I'm not even actually going to argue that. I think that's probably right. I don't intentionally mean to be. So I'm not going to fight you on it. But you argued against intros for like 30 episodes. I did. Well, because we sometimes talk about like we will continue a conversation in a way. I don't know. Just it felt like we're an unstructured show and the intros felt structured.
[0:06:48] Geoff: But you know what's hard to talk about is explaining our podcast to strangers. I was in I was out of town over the weekend doing a convention, you know, like a day job roost teeth convention type thing. Yeah. And so I was just like signing autographs and sitting at a booth, you know, like voice actors do. And I talked to so many regulation listeners, actually, without a fault, almost every I kept out like a checkmark on the table every time somebody talked about either of the three podcasts I'm on. And congratulations, face destroyed the other two. But but I will say red versus blue destroyed face. It wasn't even fucking close. But almost almost everybody who came up to me because I made reverse blue like 100 years ago and I make face today. But almost to the T, everybody that came up to me said, hey, I, you know, I wanted to come up and say I'm a regulation listener, but I don't know. So is this a comment is having a conversation with you, a comment? Am I a comment lever?
[0:07:49] Geoff: And I had to be like, absolutely. I know. I said, no, no. I said, here's what I said. I said, there are two entirely separate things. What you are, if you come up to me in person and have a conversation with me, you're a conversation haver.
[0:08:00] Gavin: It's totally different. That's ridiculous. The whole point of a comment lever is like who leaves comments, who goes out of their way to actually go and seek out other people's content and leave a comment. If they go up to you in person, that's what that's one beyond. But it's not.
[0:08:14] Andrew: I disagree. I struggle. First of all, I feel like a comment needs to be a thing that is in a public space that people can see. Secondly, you're having to make an assumption on motive. The person who's talking to Jeff may not have been there to see Jeff specifically and learned he was there while there.
[0:08:29] Gavin: As the person who coined the term comment lever, Eric, I'm going to need you to chime in on this.
[0:08:34] Eric: I agree with Gavin. This is the same to me as a DM. Insanity. Okay. It's like a DM. Hang on. I'm not Jeff. I'm not done. It's the same as a DM where somebody is messaging you directly. To me, it's the same. They're commenting about the show. They're commenting to you about the thing that they listen to. And that's fine. Be a regulation listener. And then you leave a comment. You're a comment lever. And that's fine. But that's what it is.
[0:09:00] Geoff: No, I don't. I think that that's a terrible analogy. There's no such thing as an IRL DM. They're not leaving it anywhere. It's like, as Nick said in the comments, there's no paper trail. It's going out into the ether. It's not being left anywhere. But you're bringing it here. It could be. Excuse me? But you've brought it somewhere. You're saying it's not anywhere, but you've brought it here. Oh my God. Point to where it's written down. Point to where it's left.
[0:09:25] Gavin: As someone who used to be a comment lever, a straight up comment lever on Rooster Teeth, even before it was called that, redversusblue.com, I was a comment lever. And I went out of my way one day to become an in real life person. That was the extra step. I flew to New York. I met you. You told everyone my fly was down. I'd taken it a step further at that point. Yeah, that's a conversation happen.
[0:09:49] Andrew: We were having a conversation. So you're just arguing the point. You just, your entire point is that there's a different layer to it. That it's a different thing.
[0:09:55] Geoff: It's totally different. Comment lever denotes a written conversation. It denotes something that's being left for somebody to find later in written form. I guess I'm just trying to organize them in a hierarchy.
[0:10:09] Eric: I think I don't. Comment. Definition. A verbal or written remark expressing an opinion or reaction.
[0:10:16] Gavin: Okay. That's what I'm saying. You can't be, you can't be the third one. You can't skip number two. You go regulation listener. You go comment lever. And then whatever you talk to Jeff about, you're like, you've become, you've gone through comment lever. You've already become one. And you're now into the step above it.
[0:10:32] Geoff: That's my point. So if you were walking down the street, right? And you see Nicolas Cage on the side of the road, like fucking having a Pepsi. And you walk up to him and you go, hey, Nicolas Cage, I just want you to say, I really loved Con Air. Big fan. And he goes, thank you. Are you a comment lever?
[0:10:48] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:10:49] Geoff: Okay. Wait, I'll say, I'll say this. I think it's ludicrous, but Eric read the definition of comment and it fits. And I'm, if, if, if anything, I'm a dictionary stickler. Dictionary kid number two. Yeah. Dictionary kid. I'm a dictionary kid. Everybody, uh, that should be plainly obvious just from the tater tot conversation alone. So I, I gotta go with the dictionary. I will, I will accede that point, but I still think in the spirit of it, it's wrong.
[0:11:16] Eric: Okay. So here's the thing. Everyone keeps saying that like, oh, comment lever. No, you're just leaving a comment. You've left a comment. You've walked by someone and you said this thing. You've left a comment and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. You've, there's nothing negative about being a comment lever.
[0:11:30] Gavin: Yeah, it's the difference between listening and talking.
[0:11:32] Eric: Yes. Thank you, Gavin. That's it. That's all it is. That's it. That's the, that's the delineation.
[0:11:39] Andrew: I would like to just clarify your position, Gavin. So you think that somebody who talks to Jeff at a convention went there, they are in the conversation haver camp, but to become a conversation haver, you have to walk through comment lever.
[0:11:54] Gavin: You have to go down the comment lever path. It's like a monopoly board.
[0:11:58] Andrew: Like you have to go past comment lever to advance around the corner.
[0:12:01] Gavin: And there's no, there's no chance card that lets you skip comment lever. You've, you've become one. You've left the comment.
[0:12:06] Geoff: Wow. Okay. I really did not expect this to turn into such a hotly debated thing. It wasn't even the point of the conversation. Where I was going with it is like, I'd love to hear what the audience has to say. I assumed because we were having a conversation in person, we were conversation havers. Uh, if you want to call that a comment lever, I guess they left me a comment and then I returned them with a comment and then they left me another comment and then I comment back and then they comment back. And then after 30 or so seconds of exchanging comments, they leave. And I consider that a conversation, but it was really just a branched series of comments. I guess when you look at it, I guess that fine. I'm down with that. Whatever you guys want. Uh, imagine the logistic of the comment leaving we're doing right now between the four or five of us. This is phenomenal. Uh, however, uh, the point I was going to make is you wouldn't believe all the baseballs I signed. Oh, almost more than anything else.
[0:13:07] Geoff: I signed a bunch of Zimmer cards, which is as always is an honor and honor to sign a Don Zimmer card. And I signed maybe 15 of them. But the thing that people brought up and I signed some shirts, I signed some like jet scheme, uh, peril. I signed some, uh, like boys of Zimmer stuff. Uh, one of the vinyl, uh, or one of the, what we decided it's not a flag. It's a banner signed one of those. But so many people brought up baseballs now, uh, three or four people brought up baseballs. They were pre hit by us for like from the sale. But a lot of people just brought, bought brand new baseballs and just had me sign them. And it got me thinking, I think we're a baseballs podcast, not a baseball podcast, but specifically
[0:13:45] Gavin: baseballs like the actual tool used in baseball.
[0:13:48] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:13:49] Geoff: But we've, we've done more runs of bats than balls. Well, that's we, I have 400 baseballs in my library right now that are waiting to be hit. So that won't be, that won't be the case forever.
[0:13:58] Andrew: That's fair. I mean, it eventually would swap.
[0:14:00] Geoff: I'm just trying to think of what we, I didn't sign, I didn't sign a single baseball bat face or otherwise, but I signed 35 baseballs probably.
[0:14:10] Andrew: Well, it's tough to bring in a bat. I feel to convention.
[0:14:13] Geoff: Are you kidding, dude? Have you seen how many people bring in swords that are 11 feet tall that have shotguns piece bonded on them? Like everything people bring to a convention is some sort of a fantastical sci sci-fi weapon. That's fair. I had a dude bring in a baseball bat as a part of this costume that had like railroad ties hammered through it, but he didn't ask me to sign it. So that doesn't count. So that was a legitimate weapon.
[0:14:38] Andrew: Maybe we're a baseball accessories podcast. Like it's not, not the game itself, but the equipment required. It's the football in football and accessory though. I feel like it's more, it's like the main bit. It's a tool of the game or whatever that could tool, the trade.
[0:14:54] Gavin: I don't remember the wording on that card, like a towel tool, tool, tool, like a towel.
[0:14:58] Andrew: Yeah. It's a tool of the trade for sure.
[0:15:00] Gavin: I think my favorite part of the whole, this is going back to the, what, what is and isn't a comment lever. My favorite part is just thinking of all of the regulation listeners who know that they can only become a comment lever once and that it's permanent and they're just keeping their mouth shut and not writing stuff because I don't want to lose status as a, you know
[0:15:19] Geoff: what it's like, it's like playing a global game of infection. It's like someday there's going to be one, there's going to be one regulation listener left and as soon as we find them and make them talk, have a in-person comment session with them, then we'll flip and we'll start over, all over again.
[0:15:38] Gavin: It would be fun to start a spreadsheet or a survey of like, when did you turn and like fill out the form of what made you consciously become, did it happen? Did it happen before we delineated or did you make the decision to, to change from regulation listener to comment lever?
[0:15:55] Geoff: And what I would love, I would love to know just the percentage of those people that were angered enough by Andrew to make a comment. It will always be because of what Andrew said, I think. It's like 64% of all comment leavers became comment leavers because of something Andrew
[0:16:13] Andrew: said. What about if somebody, what if a mime attempted to, like if a mime was interacting with you, is a mime a comment lever? Is performance art a comment?
[0:16:23] Gavin: Well, if the mime typed a comment, what do you mean?
[0:16:26] Andrew: Well, no, like if a mime, you know how a mime performs, lasso or whatever, like if a mime tried to have a conversation through typical mime moves.
[0:16:33] Gavin: Like if a mime pretended to go up and escalate it towards you, like what do you mean?
[0:16:37] Andrew: Yeah, like if you tried to communicate that, because obviously, obviously you can have nonverbal communication, but I'm just curious where the mime falls in the category of comment leaders. Eric, can you read the definition of comment again?
[0:16:49] Geoff: We'll, we'll get to the bottom of this.
[0:16:50] Eric: I mean, but the thing is like, I just need, he's still caught a verbal or written remark expressing an opinion or reaction.
[0:16:58] Geoff: So it's not verbal. It's not verbal or written.
[0:17:00] Eric: So no, but Gavin, Gavin blew it up and he said, like type it. And that would be it. If he's doing, yeah, listen, if somebody does performance art about this show, they're a fucking comment lever. Period. They might be a, they might be a comment performer, but I don't know if they're leaving it. Okay. I will say that they would be a comment performer. Yeah.
[0:17:22] Geoff: Thank you.
[0:17:23] Gavin: If someone says something to you in sign language, that's not written or verbal, but I would say it still is a comment.
[0:17:28] Andrew: 100%. Yeah. That's, that's a form of communication. That's why I tried to clarify.
[0:17:32] Geoff: If we got to live by the rules of the dictionary, we got to live by the rules of the dictionary. That's all I'm saying. All right. Can I ask a completely unrelated question?
[0:17:39] Gavin: Please.
[0:17:40] Andrew: I was listening to, you know, that song back that ass up. I was listening. I was listening to that recently. And I was curious, what's the maximum distance you could request for somebody to back the ass up? I'd like to see you back the ass up 26.2 miles. That's the thing. Like if you're pulling binoculars out, I feel like it's rude. Like what is the courtesy for the back that ass up request?
[0:18:06] Gavin: I think. Are you asking how much the ass should be backed up or from how far?
[0:18:10] Andrew: How far does the ass need to be backed up before like you need to take steps forward? Like I think it's inappropriate for you to make that request. I think it's four feet. See, I think it might be a dinklage. I think a dinklage is the perfect length for a back that ass up request.
[0:18:25] Geoff: And remind me exactly how much the dinklage is in, I don't know, a more traditional. It's one yard. One yard. So three feet. So, okay.
[0:18:33] Andrew: I think that's the math. I think anything outside of the dinklage range is inappropriate for you to ask for that ass to be backed up. I think that's fair. Gavin? I was equating it to doors. Like there's nothing worse than when somebody holds a door open for you and you're too far away and you have to do that like little run thing. Like it's definite rules of etiquette within the move. Yeah. I was just curious what you guys thought. What the range was.
[0:18:54] Geoff: I think a dinklage is fair. Yeah. Okay. It's important. Hey, not to go back on comment leavers. Uh, but I did, and I didn't expect to transition into this, but this is a great segue. I did see one comment on, I believe Twitter the other day that I thought was so funny and so clever. I, I, and I didn't write it down and I didn't write down their name. So I have no idea who to attribute it to, but to the person that said, essentially, I'm going to surmise. Is it possible that Andrew is a time traveler who time traveled back to steal the gummies from himself to save some future trauma or tragedy from happening? I thought that was brilliant. And I would like to know, Andrew, what do you think the chances are that future you traveled back in time to steal those gummies to avert some sort of tragedy?
[0:19:40] Andrew: My thought process would, I also saw that. I thought that's really funny. Then I had a brief moment of what if, and then went back to that's really funny. I'd give it a 3%, a 3% chance that I time traveled and saved myself from gummies because none of the other stuff was taken. Only the tampered with stuff was removed from my order. I had multiple things in that order that were very scalable. I think that lends more to the idea that it was you protecting yourself from that's what I'm saying.
[0:20:08] Gavin: Like that, that builds the case that it was no future me going back. That means the gummies must've been so bad. Otherwise you would have come back and stolen the Bovril and all that other stuff.
[0:20:18] Andrew: There's so many things that have happened in my life that would have been better to be avoided. So I feel like, I don't know why I chose the gummies as the thing that had to be altered.
[0:20:27] Geoff: Dude, who knows how bad things could have gone if you eaten those gummies. That's the thing. You might've gotten an extra large chunk of metal and then somehow it went through your body and you like, it like got caught in your urethra and like ripped your dick off or something. Who knows?
[0:20:38] Andrew: I can't imagine with all the ankle rolls I've had that that is the moment that I decide to prevent. Cause it seemed pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme.
[0:20:47] Geoff: Well, one would see, one would assume that time travel to right wrongs or to fix a path is probably used exceedingly sparingly because of butterfly effects. So I think it would just lend credence to the idea that these gummies were, uh, if this were to have happened catastrophic to your future. Yeah. I think that's a hard point to argue against. And I think it's interesting if that's possible. And if we're, if we're, uh, allowing for the idea that Andrew has the ability to time travel, Gavin, I think it stands to reason that you and I both certainly also have it and probably, uh, probably have used it even more often than, than Andrew. So I think maybe we should all just like keep our eyes open, uh, for the next couple, just everyone's, what's going on around you. Look, look for you hiding behind a tree or something. And, uh, if anything shows up missing or seems weird, take a second, write it down. And, uh, so we can digest it and see if maybe, maybe future face is fucking with current face.
[0:21:44] Gavin: I'm going to take inventory of the back of all my shirts just so I have a higher chance of recognizing myself. I'm running away.
[0:21:52] Geoff: The problem is future. You would know you did that. Ah, shit. Fuck. It's gotta be really hard to catch future us.
[0:22:02] Andrew: I love the idea of future. You be like, I gotta wear a shirt. I don't currently own for this to work. If I do that, that's the only obstacle.
[0:22:10] Gavin: Do you think there's the possibility, Andrew, that in the dark, uh, future, you snuck into your bathroom and pulled the shampoo out of your ass and put it back on the shelf?
[0:22:23] Andrew: I so hope so. I really hope. I hope you get, like, it's like a three-wish scenario. And my first one was to remove the metal gummies. My second was to gently push the shampoo bottle out of the ass to put it on the counter.
[0:22:39] Gavin: You were about to be in a situation in a hospital where you're like, I found it, I swear.
[0:22:45] Andrew: What if that's Jeff's ghost? The gentle ghost. What if it's just Jeff? It's future Jeff. It feels like a very Jeff move that he would use time, his three opportunities of time travel to just fuck with himself. Dude, there's a gentle ghost. The law of this podcast.
[0:23:10] Geoff: I so believe it's so plausible. Oh, I would absolutely push myself over gently.
[0:23:16] Gavin: Oh, I feel like the law of this podcast is already so complex. And now we're adding a time travel element to it. Time travel element.
[0:23:23] Geoff: It's going to get real messy. It just makes sense to me. I will say, you know, we're talking about earlier about how future us would know everything past us was going to do. So we'd know how to safeguard it. I will say, the one thing I think that current us has going for us is, this is confusing to say, the current us has going for we, I guess, is that future us is probably as lazy as current we. And so the future us isn't going to put that much work into it, right? They're going to half-ass most of it. So there's a pretty good chance we could catch us down the road, just knowing our ethic. Yeah. Yeah, I think we're screwed. Both versions of us. I just don't understand why future you let you go down the stairs with the fire department. Yeah, I'm questioning future me's choices. Future you didn't, like, hit the snooze on the alarm the day you decided to go an hour
[0:24:25] Geoff: early to my hubby's bagels.
[0:24:28] Gavin: Oh, God. Or stop you from leaving that place without taking a shit first. Oh, man.
[0:24:44] Geoff: Time travel's wild. Yeah. What a great invention.
[0:24:49] Andrew: As far as, like, comments and stuff making us laugh, I did, somebody sent me a really funny screenshot of, they got banned from, I believe, NHL 22, I'm guessing, because they named their creative team the Vancouver Child Kickers. And they got, like, a whole full, like, written email about it. About how it goes against their term of service. And that this was considered a serious violation. And that they are banned from playing for a full week. Oh, my God. And that their account has been flagged. And essentially, it's like, the next ban, you're done. And we're going to be watching you very closely. Was the email. Wow.
[0:25:31] Gavin: So, I think, triggered it. The child, the word child? Or the fact that it was pairing? I think kicker.
[0:25:37] Andrew: Yeah, I think that's it. I think the pairing of the, yeah, the Vancouver Child Kicker. I'll see if I can find the email that they tweeted at me. So, I've been trying to reach out to EA to see if we can serve this. They did the appeal process. And they were denied an appeal. So, it's in a bad spot with the case. But I thought that was very funny. I felt terrible for this person. As somebody who has been banned wrongfully at Xbox Live, I related to their pain.
[0:26:02] Gavin: Yeah, I got banned because I named my griffball team, Team Scrotum. And I wasn't able to participate in one of the tournaments.
[0:26:12] Geoff: Did you, along those same lines, did you see that comment, Lever? I think it might have been on Instagram. Who posted that they got kicked out of the Spongebob store at, I guess, Universal Studios, maybe. Because they had an anal passage shirt on. No. Oh, no. That got me thinking. Because I have one of those anal passage shirts. What is the most embarrassing place I could wear an anal passage shirt to? Like, could I wear it to my next? Like, could I wear it to my colonoscopy? Or would that be too on the nose?
[0:26:44] Andrew: I think that's on the nose. I think that plays.
[0:26:46] Gavin: Could I wear it to a funeral? Probably if, like, Biden gave you that Medal of Freedom or whatever. Ooh.
[0:26:51] Geoff: Accept the Medal of Freedom in an anal passage shirt. That would be good. Drop the email in the thing. Just read it quickly.
[0:26:59] Andrew: While reviewing your account, we identified the following violation. NHL 22. Inappropriate content. References to children. Name, Vancouver Child Kicker.
[0:27:10] Gavin: So I think any mention of child you'd get banned.
[0:27:13] Andrew: I guess, yeah. By definition of reference to children. But that doesn't seem... I don't know.
[0:27:19] Geoff: I feel like there are exceptions. What if... What if you... What if they submitted the name Do Not Kick Children? Because that's, like... You couldn't get any more hard-nosed against the idea.
[0:27:32] Andrew: That would really, I think, put EA at a tough spot. Yeah. They're not going to be anti... Anti that. They can't support child kicking. It's like an actual thing. Yeah. I know. That's interesting.
[0:27:42] Geoff: Vancouver adult kicker. Oh, my God. Hey, what did you guys want to talk about today? We had homework in the last show. Oh, yeah. We had homework. We had... Oh, two things. So we had... Oh, three things. We had homework. We should probably talk about the bread ties we forgot to talk about. Okay. Because that's a thing. And then we should talk about... Do... No, I think we should hold off. I don't... It should be... Okay. Because that leads me to a whole... That whole side idea you and I had, Andrew. Yeah. I think we got to hold off on the... We might get sniped on that if we leave that in. Yeah. We got to hold off on that. All right. Well, we're not going to talk about the thing that was bleeped. So do you want to do the homework? Yeah. What's your homework? What was your homework, Andrew? Do it. My homework. I will...
[0:28:34] Unidentified: Hungry now. Now. What about now? Whenever it hits you. Wherever you are. Grab an O'Henry bar to satisfy your hunger. With its delicious combination of big, crunchy, salty peanuts covered in creamy caramel and chewy fudge with a chocolatey coating. Swing by a gas station and get an O'Henry today.
[0:29:00] Andrew: O'Henry. O'Henry. And I'm 80% sure. I wrote a little percentage of how confident I am in this. I think I might be the best in the world at waking up when needed without an alarm. I'm highly skilled at this.
[0:29:13] Gavin: You slept in a bathtub for five hours?
[0:29:17] Andrew: Yeah, but I didn't have anything to do the next day. Oh. Like, I didn't... If I have a thing, if I'm scheduled for something or I need to be up at a certain time, I will hit it within five minutes without an alarm. You've got a good internal alarm. My internal clock is incredible.
[0:29:33] Gavin: Why don't you use it then? Because there have been several times where you've been... You've had to get up early and to avoid oversleeping, you stay up all night. Well, you... You lie down in the bath. That's... You know what? That's a great point. That is a great point.
[0:29:47] Andrew: Use your talent if you're the best in all of the world. I don't... Because I set an alarm because I don't fully trust it. But I am consistent at it. I've never missed anything because I slept through it. I always get up early regardless of the time. You may have poked a giant hole in that. I may have to remove that from the list. That's why it was 80%. Oh, okay. But generally speaking, I feel I'm pretty good at that. But I think you're right. There are times in the show where I've said I've had to do things to make sure I was there on time. It's just a paranoid thing for the show specifically. 80%. So that's my 80%. 100%. I think there's no denying this. I feel very strongly about this. I think 100% I am the best Xbox Garfield Kart Furious Racing player in the world who has had part of their bowel surgically removed. I feel strongly on that. I don't think there's any debate about that. When did you lose some bowel? I was like five. Oh, okay. Long time ago. Had to have an operation as a whole thing. But I don't think there's anyone better at Garfield Kart Furious Racing on the Xbox
[0:30:50] Andrew: who has also had part of their bowel removed. And it's any part. So even if someone had a different part of the bowel.
[0:30:56] Gavin: Any part.
[0:30:57] Andrew: I mean, you got a lot to work with on the bowel. That's a lot of airing. Any opposition to that one? You got to fucking hold a poke in that, Gavin?
[0:31:04] Gavin: I think you might be right.
[0:31:06] Andrew: I think that might be.
[0:31:07] Gavin: I think that's my current. We'll have to treat it with the same level of detective work as my overkill clip. We'll have to start interviewing other people on the leaderboard. See if all their bowel is there. But I think you could be right.
[0:31:19] Andrew: That's fair. Yeah. I have no issue with that. It's definitely something that's researchable. So those are mine. I'd love to hear what you guys think you're the best at.
[0:31:29] Gavin: Gavin, do you want to go or do you want me to go? My one. I think I'm the best at when something goes wrong and I get filled with anxiety. I immediately skip to the worst case scenario and bottle it all up and deal with it at 3 a.m. I'm the best at doing that. I can carry on doing something after receiving bad news or everything's gone wrong. Just swallow it up. Worry about it at 3. But I can still continue functioning that day. I'm pretty good at it.
[0:31:58] Andrew: So 3 a.m. is the worst time to ever try to reach you.
[0:32:02] Gavin: 3 a.m. is the worst time just for anything ever. If you're awake at 3 a.m., it's a disaster. Something's gone wrong. That's true. It's not like late night or early morning.
[0:32:13] Geoff: It's just a horrendous hour. The only reason to be joyfully awake at 3 in the morning is if you're into astrology or astronomy in some way and you're wanting to see a comet go by or a blood moon or something. Lunar eclipse.
[0:32:29] Andrew: I feel like I had a lot of 3 a.m., 4 a.m. Halo 2 nights. Outside of that, I can't think of any positive times in which I was up at that hour.
[0:32:39] Geoff: If I'm playing video games at 3 a.m., I'm yelling at myself while playing video games at 3 a.m. that I stayed up an hour or two late and I'm going to regret it.
[0:32:48] Gavin: Yeah.
[0:32:48] Geoff: You think 2 is the cutoff? Yeah, for me.
[0:32:51] Gavin: Yeah, because 2 is still like the previous night.
[0:32:54] Andrew: Just to be fair, I'm saying when I'm like 13, when I'm 12, 3 a.m. I can't remember the last time I was up until 3 a.m. playing video games. It's been a while. I guess Donkey Kong, maybe. Donkey Kong 64 when we did that bet. That'd be the last time. Okay, so you're saying you're the best in the world at blocking out.
[0:33:13] Gavin: Postponing anxiety until 3. Okay.
[0:33:15] Andrew: Okay. That's good. Yeah, I can't argue. That feels that possible. I can see that.
[0:33:20] Geoff: It feels likely, honestly, to me. It does. It makes a lot of sense to me when you describe it like that. I actually completely buy into that in a way that I'm not sure I do with some of Andrew's stuff. But yeah, absolutely. What about you, Jeff? Well, similar to Andrew, I don't know if I currently am still, but there was a point in time when I would stake my life that I was the best head bobber on Earth when I was making Red vs. Blue. I don't think there was anybody that could come even close to bobbing heads like I did in Michelle.
[0:33:50] Gavin: I've been a witness to it. He could do it without even listening. He could just do it based on looking at the waveform. It was insane.
[0:33:56] Geoff: I think that, once again, not entirely certain that I still am, but I would feel pretty good about it. I think that there was a point in time when I was the best peggo player on Earth, and I feel very confident about that. And the third thing is, I think I'm the best in the world at compartmentalizing dog tragedy.
[0:34:24] Gavin: I know it's not going to go in a funny direction, but it's a really funny sentence.
[0:34:28] Geoff: No, it is what it is, right? I've dealt with a lot of dog tragedy over the last year or so, and it's manifested itself into very funny stories on the podcast, but they weren't funny moments, and I did a really good job of compartmentalizing until I got through them and cried in the shower or whatnot or on a park bench the next day.
[0:34:47] Gavin: I mean, your ability to just do f*** face amongst the rest of your life is, I think, what you're best at.
[0:34:53] Geoff: Well, it does sometimes feel like I'm in this library talking to you guys for an hour, and I look out the window, and the entire world is on fire, or at least my entire world is on fire. Just like shit and flames everywhere. But not always.
[0:35:16] Andrew: So just to clarify your head bob, because I misinterpreted what you meant originally. You mean machinima, like when you're filming, to make it seem like the character's talking, the movement of their head. Yeah, machinimation. Literal head, like I was imagining like a Wayne's World, like head bob, like you're really listening to music.
[0:35:33] Geoff: No, I wouldn't even put myself like in the top 75 percentile of that. I got no skills in IRL head bobbing. No. Okay.
[0:35:43] Gavin: I have a question. How does percentile differ from percent?
[0:35:47] Andrew: They're spelled differently.
[0:35:51] Geoff: He's right. Good point. Move on. I don't. Percentile. Each of the hundred equal. What the fuck? What the fuck is this?
[0:36:02] Gavin: They just seem like they can always be interchangeable. I'm not ever in a situation where it's like, oh, he should have said percentile instead of percent.
[0:36:10] Geoff: Definition. Hold on. I fucking now I got to know. Like it's always talked about with kids.
[0:36:16] Eric: All right, Nick, go ahead and cut out all this dead air. I'm sorry. I don't know. I was reading what you wrote, Eric. You wrote a thing. Yeah, I wrote it for Jeff. This is the thing where I cue him up and then he reads it. You didn't say for Jeff. And then we continue with the show. You just posted. The way it typically works.
[0:36:35] Geoff: I was Googling it. The percentage is a means of comparing quantities, a percentile is used to display. Is that what Eric wrote? Yeah, I'm reading what Eric wrote. He just said, read what Eric wrote. I thought you were reading that off Google. Oh! God, I'm sorry about them, Eric. I think Eric wrote that. I think Eric caused that.
[0:36:55] Eric: What? How was that me? That's me giving the answer and then one of you takes the ball, gives the answer to the audience, and we continue the show.
[0:37:05] Andrew: We can't freaking read the ball first. That's, you know what? I feel responsible more than Eric does. I typically, he's right. One of us will read what he wrote and then that will carry on. What were you doing, Gavin? Why were you not paying attention to the screen?
[0:37:17] Eric: It was just quiet. And then Gavin went, who's going to read that? Like you? What were you doing?
[0:37:26] Gavin: Did I say who was going to read that?
[0:37:29] Eric: You asked. You asked who was going to read what Eric wrote. Did you not say that?
[0:37:32] Andrew: That's how we got here. Why didn't you read it? I was just trying to come up with the answer in my own head. I was just reading it in my head. Look at it spaced. That's great. That's very helpful.
[0:37:48] Geoff: Anyway, this is a hard podcast to explain to people who have never heard of F*** Face but who might be familiar with Red vs. Blue. I meant to come back around to that about 40 minutes ago. I just realized I never finished my point. Anyway, it's just hard to quantify or hard to explain succinctly what this podcast is. And I encourage you to try someday.
[0:38:12] Gavin: I have a new electrical problem. What's your electrical problem? I mean, I assume it's one I've had the entire time, but I've narrowed it down. Sometimes my toilet, I've got one of those little bidets. It will warm the seat and it will blast the water up the crev. I know that everyone's a fan of those on this podcast. They had to run a new outlet to the toilet to put it in. So they just, I guess, daisy chain off the nearest one. And sometimes it trips the breaker and I couldn't figure out why. And it turns out if I'm sat on the toilet and someone rings my doorbell, the breaker trips and the toilet turns off, which, you know, for normal toilets, not a problem if you've got no power. But I can't flush it without power. There's like a manual release, I guess, where you have to take off one of the side panels if you want to actually manually flush it. But it uses power to flush. So now that I know this, I'm so paranoid that when I'm taking a lovely number two,
[0:39:14] Gavin: I'm so paranoid I'm going to get delivery or someone's going to ring the doorbell because then I'll have to leave a bunch of turd in the toilet while I waddle over to the breaker and get it back on. And it's just a bizarre problem to have. I don't know why two areas of the house are on the same, two different areas are on the same breaker. It's literally like attic light, toilet, and doorbell are all in one breaker. So is there, hmm. So I think what's happening is the toilet is drawing like basically right at the limit of whatever that breaker allows and just ringing the doorbell tips it over the edge.
[0:39:53] Geoff: That is so fucking funny and makes me so excited to ding-dong ditch you for hours of the day and night for the rest of your life.
[0:40:04] Gavin: It's been hard navigating like leaving a toilet full of poo and hoping that Meg doesn't find it while I sprint to the circuit breaker. How many times has it happened? It's happened, oh, probably only three times.
[0:40:20] Andrew: That's quite a few.
[0:40:21] Gavin: But now that I've identified it, it's terrifying. I used to take the sort of stress-free shits, and now every shit is a stress.
[0:40:30] Andrew: Huh. We need to look into, Jeff, if we can somehow ring his doorbell remotely.
[0:40:36] Geoff: Dude, I was way ahead of you. We absolutely need to figure that out. If we can trigger a doorbell ring remotely, anytime, Gavin, I'll just text with you constantly. I'll just be like, what are you doing right now? What are you doing right now? Are you going to go play Halo? Are you going to do anything before? Are you going to take a dump? Okay, cool. I hesitate to bring this up because it's not as funny as your story, but the exact, well, minus the doorbell part, the same thing happens with my bidet toilet as well. About once a week, it's the same thing. They had to put a plug in into the wall, so it's daisy-chained onto my laundry room, and about once a week, one of the plugs there will trip like a little breaker in the plug, you know? Yeah. And then I lose access to my toilet and my whole bathroom, actually. And then so I have to just go out and push that button back in, and then it works. So not very funny, but one funny thing, kind of funny thing, did happen. The first time this occurred, we didn't know what to do. We couldn't figure it out.
[0:41:36] Geoff: I think I had to go out of town briefly. So Emily called an electrician to come and take a look at it, and he couldn't figure it out, and he couldn't figure it out, and he couldn't figure it out, and he eventually ripped the walls out of the bathroom to follow the wiring to figure it out, and he still couldn't figure it out. And then Joey, who you know from GoGo Now, who is also like a carpenter, he came over, and he was like trying to help Emily and this guy, and he looked and he goes, oh, your breaker's tripped. And he just hit the button and everything worked again, and I had to have all my walls re-drywalled. I didn't pay for it. The guy did it at cost. But yeah, the guy, a five-second fix turned into three days of painting and drywall. Three fucking days.
[0:42:22] Andrew: That is such a classic U-House problem. I can't believe that with all the people involved, nobody thought, check the breaker. No, not even.
[0:42:32] Geoff: Well, it's so weird, right? Because it's not just like the breaker on the wall. It's literally the breaker on a plug.
[0:42:37] Gavin: Right, like the GFCI thing.
[0:42:38] Geoff: Yeah, like the GFCI thing, yeah. And so he just like, Joey figured it out, but, you know, because he's a common sense dude. But yeah, that guy ended up on what should have taken him one second. He spent three days at my house all day long sweating his ass off.
[0:42:52] Gavin: The motto of the story is just you've got to keep shit simple. Like the more expensive and fancy something is, the more stupid problems you have with like Jeff's fridge. It's just a custom size, much more expensive. And I've got a frickin' toilet that I can't flush with my hand.
[0:43:08] Geoff: Without pulling the side of the thing apart. It's ridiculous. That might be the funniest thing on earth, dude. If somebody rings your doorbell, if somebody rings your fuckin' doorbell, you can't remove turds. Yeah.
[0:43:22] Andrew: That's such a strange... You'd be shitting my doorbell off. I know somebody who every time they would get a phone call, their internet would drop briefly on like their landline. And so there'd be times we'd be playing games and it would be fun to just call them if they were like winning or something. They had the lead. But a shit bell connection is great. Jeff, what if we... You know those drinking birds? Like these things? Can we like attach that to his door and just have it ringing constantly? We have to try to get creative with ways in which we can ring it multiple times without actually having to put the effort in of physically pushing it.
[0:43:58] Geoff: I love it, dude. That makes so much sense to me.
[0:44:01] Andrew: Speaking of birds, I had... Somebody sent me... Your swan is kind of famous, Jeff. I don't know if you know those. Is it really? No, I wasn't aware. There is a documented history of your swan attacking people. There is an Instagram video last year of a guy who was like wakeboarding in that lake and he got attacked by the swan. I have a photo of the swan mid-attack. Oh my God, that's it! Going in on this guy.
[0:44:27] Geoff: Look at him! He's like... Oh! I swear to God, it...
[0:44:31] Gavin: Dude, that's a freaking big swan. Look at the wings, man.
[0:44:34] Geoff: Tell me about it. Tell me about it. It's like an eagle.
[0:44:38] Gavin: Is that what your face looked like when it was happening to you?
[0:44:40] Geoff: I don't think I looked... I think I looked... I don't think I looked that cool. I think I looked even worse. Yeah, dude. So that is swan confirmation. That is the same. He's about to get his back bit.
[0:44:53] Andrew: Yeah, that's rough. Yeah, the swan bites the guy's ankle and he eats hard. He crashes immediately on impact. The swan takes him out. It's a great Instagram video. But they said that it flew like 150 yards. Like it was huge. The distance it covered. Yeah. Yeah.
[0:45:12] Gavin: Someone's controlling that swan, right?
[0:45:13] Geoff: That's a robot swan.
[0:45:14] Gavin: Why would a swan do that?
[0:45:16] Geoff: It's highly aggressive. Oh, it... I can't believe it. For the record, by the way, if you are anywhere near Austin, Texas, stay away from that swan. It's very dangerous and very aggressive. I want nothing to do with that fucking thing. By the way, this photo is such validation to me. It is just as terrifying in picture form as I remember it being. And it's very intimidating.
[0:45:43] Andrew: And he actually went down. The swan took him out and he was in the water with the swan. It's amazing he survived. What happened? Did the swan keep at him? No, I guess like it bit him and then it kind of like held its ground for a minute and then it fucked off. I don't think it stuck around.
[0:45:56] Gavin: It's just looking for the next person.
[0:45:58] Andrew: It is. Yeah, exactly. Get out of my territory. That flies away.
[0:46:07] Gavin: Oh, that's awesome. So do we then do the list of what we think other people are the best at?
[0:46:12] Andrew: Oh, it's a great idea, Gavin. Wrap this up for Jeff's. I'll go with mine.
[0:46:16] Gavin: I think Jeff's. The f*** face bit. I don't know who's it is. I think Jeff is the best at long-term deception. Like planting a lie and then, you know, not revealing it for years. Like the driving test. Or driving...
[0:46:29] Geoff: Or, you know, some of the ones that have... Some of the ones that are a good 12 years old that are still going.
[0:46:34] Gavin: Yeah, some of the ones that I don't even know about yet. And I would say Andrew is the best at pulling comedy from a small bathroom without even necessarily involving the toilet, which is, I think, very impressive. I think you're the best at that.
[0:46:47] Andrew: That's very specific. That might be true. What about you, Jeff?
[0:46:51] Geoff: Uh, I think Gavin is the... Well, I may be partial, but I think he's... I mean, I think it goes without saying he's the best high-speed photographer in the world. Um, but I think he's... I think he's the best at taking something that's really... Like, I think he's the best at distilling something down that's very complicated into a way that I can understand it. He's really, really, really good at that. He's also the... He's also the best at being a best friend I've ever had. Um, and, uh... Oh, Yus was really nice. Yeah, you know, I'm a big-ass wimp in my old age. Uh, Andrew, uh, I think you are the best at saying something that completely catches me off guard. Like, you're the best person at coming out of left field I've ever met in my entire life. Like, it's not even close. I like left field. I've been there a while.
[0:47:43] Andrew: Left field is always great.
[0:47:44] Gavin: Is that a baseball term?
[0:47:46] Andrew: Uh, I assume so, right?
[0:47:47] Gavin: Because I realize I use that phrase, but I have no knowledge of baseball. Like, that's leaked across international waters to, you know, countries that don't have baseball. I feel like I've said that before, but I don't necessarily even understand the reference.
[0:48:01] Andrew: Is the handedness of the batter what dictates? What is the origin of left field?
[0:48:06] Gavin: So you can't come out of left field for Jeff? It would have to be right field?
[0:48:09] Andrew: Yeah, I guess I'd be coming out of right field for Jeff in my head. I'm assuming it's based on the orientation of most batters who are right-handed. Everyone be quiet. Everybody be quiet.
[0:48:17] Geoff: Eric's written something. I'll read it, okay? Eric says at 3.51 p.m. today, Eric said, yes, the phrase came from baseball terminology referring to a play in which the ball is thrown from the area covered by the left fielder to either home plate or first base, surprising the runner. That was no explanation to Gavin, I guarantee you. And would that be flipped
[0:48:41] Gavin: for a left-handed batter? No, it's the same. The bases are in the same place, so it wouldn't be.
[0:48:46] Andrew: Yeah, I guess the batting orientation is irrelevant.
[0:48:49] Geoff: But also, baseball is a very right-handed sport and very centered around, and all the rules are all basically built about being right-handed. Lefties are kind of, there are left-handers in baseball, but I feel like it's,
[0:49:02] Gavin: everything's kind of stacked against lefties. It would be funny if a lefty stepped up to the plate and bases one and three swap.
[0:49:12] Andrew: Just to keep everything fair. And you can do like a score multiplier with the amount of people you pass on your own team. Like, if there's a guy in first and second already and you have to go left.
[0:49:23] Geoff: You guys are reinventing baseball just like the Savannah Bananas.
[0:49:27] Andrew: That's what I was about to say. Do you know the banana? I had recently learned Banana Ball. Their rules. Their rule set is fantastic. It's way better than normal. I tried to get tickets to a game, but they're sold out for the rest of the year. Do you know what the Savannah Bananas are, Gavin?
[0:49:39] Gavin: Is that what Jeff posted about the, like, there's like a baby banana every time and there's like people on stilts?
[0:49:46] Andrew: Yeah. Yeah, they do like entertainment style baseball instead of strict rules. And they have their own rule set. Some of, I think, my favorite rules from Banana Ball are is if a player hits a foul ball into the stands and somebody catches it, it's an out. Like, the fans can eliminate players by catching it. It is the best fucking rule ever. It's a great rule. The other, I think, favorite rule of theirs is if you let somebody walk. So if you throw four foul balls on a guy, he doesn't just get one base. He gets as many bases as he can possibly run to before the other team passes the ball to every position skilled player on the team. So they just have to rapidly throw the ball around while one guy is sprinting as fast as he can. It's great. It's a great rule set.
[0:50:29] Geoff: That's amazing. And the game is over at two hours come hell or hell water. Yes. They put a time on it. That's the best rule of all.
[0:50:35] Andrew: Yeah. Yeah. I think their average games are 90 minutes. So it's great. I've never seen one.
[0:50:40] Geoff: I think the way scoring works, too, is, like, you get a point per inning that you win. So, like, if you score 10 runs in an inning and the other team scores two, you just win that inning and you get one point, which I think is kind of interesting, too. Can we sponsor that team? I don't think they need us, man. I don't know.
[0:50:57] Andrew: I don't know how that... I think it's a league. It would be interesting to look at the league that they're in. I think it's a college baseball team.
[0:51:03] Gavin: We could probably sponsor a singular funny object. They'd probably let us do that. Like, sponsor one dude's elbow for a game or something. Oh, can we sponsor the thing on the side of the helmet that protects the ear?
[0:51:18] Andrew: It's the thing on the side of the helmet that protects the ear. Like the ear donut? Yeah. Yeah.
[0:51:24] Gavin: We'll sponsor one guy's ear donut for a season. Surely they'll let us do that. What do you want to put on the ear donut?
[0:51:31] Andrew: F*** face. Yeah. Just the name of the show? Okay. I just wasn't sure. We could have a variety of choices. Standard ear across the ear donut.
[0:51:41] Geoff: I think what we could do, we could become the official bread tag sponsor of the Savannah Bananas, and we can donate bread tags for all of their bread tagging needs. Have you had a bread tag yet? Have you received it? Yeah, that's why I brought it up. Have you got yours yet?
[0:51:57] Gavin: No.
[0:51:58] Andrew: Andrew, have you got yours yet? I do, yeah. I haven't tried. Have you tried breading?
[0:52:02] Geoff: Yeah. So here's the deal. First off, it's beautiful. I mean, it's absolutely f***ing beautiful. Let me guess. There's a reason they made it out of plastic. And the deal with, the deal with, to refresh the audience's memory, that we were trying to solve a problem, and I would say ostensibly we did. The problem being, you know what it's like when you get like a loaf of Wonder Bread or Wheat Bread or whatever it is you eat, 12 grain, whatever. And it's got that, it either has a bread tie, nobody likes a bread tie. Bread ties are lame, right? Or sometimes it'll have that bread tag, and the bread tag is cool because it'll say like, hey, the best by June 3rd or whatever. And it's kind of a clever little design, but invariably, after three or four times you use it as the plastic bins, one of the ends snaps off, and then the bread tie's fucking useless, and then you gotta do the thing where you roll the bread, and then you like shove the thing under the bread and sit on it, and then it's like, it's just, it's fucking dumb, right? So Uniform via F*** Face
[0:53:03] Geoff: decided we were gonna solve that problem by creating a metal bread tag that does not bend and break. And I am proud, I am honored to say that F*** Face, it's either in the store now and been in the store for a while, or it's about to be in the store, we have solved the problem of bread tags breaking. These metal bread tags, these metal, these light blue, sky blue F*** Face emblazoned with the date, June 19th, 2022 on them, bread tags, will never bend or break. However, it turns out that the bending part, pretty integral, pretty integral to bread tag functionality. It's, I'm gonna go ahead and say impossible to use, to get, to get the, the wrapper, the plastic in the bread tag holder.
[0:54:03] Geoff: It's just not gonna happen because this F***er will not break. It will not bend. It's sturdy. Does that mean the gap is useful? Yeah. No, the gap is regulation gap. It's just that without the bend, you just can't, so it's, it doesn't work as a bread tag as, as, in the traditional sense. But, it definitely looks like one. It's very pretty. And even better, it's got a magnet on the back of it. So it's really, it's quite possibly, the world's first bread tag kitchen magnet.
[0:54:35] Gavin: That's permanent.
[0:54:36] Andrew: I, I will say it's a rare problem for us. I feel like these are too high quality, is the problem. Yeah. Yeah, they're just real good. It's really sturdy. You can't bend it.
[0:54:46] Gavin: So it's too luxury, and therefore too inconvenient.
[0:54:49] Geoff: Yeah. Yeah. This is a, this is a show tag. This is the kind of tag you bring out to brag to your friends at Christmas dinner. You know, like when you pull the good plates out once a year, the China or whatever, you know, when you polish up the, the, the old 1955, uh, like Porsche to drive around on the, on Sunday. Uh, it's the thing that you revere when like all your friends, maybe your coworkers, maybe you're going to have your boss over for dinner and you want to impress them. You, this is the bread tag you pull out. Just don't try to use it as a bread tag.
[0:55:18] Gavin: I can't wait to get mine. I can't wait to see videos of people trying to use them.
[0:55:23] Andrew: It's great. I don't, I'm curious if I, I really want to get a loaf of bread, right? I'm trying to think if I, I think I have one in my fridge. I think it would take me probably like five minutes. I think you could do it, but the time it would require to slip it through.
[0:55:35] Gavin: Why don't you try live on the podcast?
[0:55:39] Geoff: I'll go get some bread. That's a good point. Why don't you do that?
[0:55:41] Gavin: We'll end with Andrew trying to force a metal bread clip.
[0:55:44] Geoff: I'll say, I'll say while he's gone, uh, I, I felt exactly like he did and I did. I, hold on, give the dog his pill. Uh, I, uh, I, I, I had, I took that five minutes to try to make it work. I was bound to determine and I gave up. So if he's able to do it, he's either lying or he's, uh, he's made of That's interesting
[0:56:04] Gavin: because listening to you describe it, I, I'm almost 100% sure I could get it in. I thought so too. I thought so too. Yeah. It's like one of those things where it's like, I kind of want the challenge of it now. I have the confidence.
[0:56:15] Geoff: Yeah, I encourage you. Uh, I, I challenge you to, to make it work. I hope you can.
[0:56:20] Gavin: If people stop stealing one packages, then, uh, I'll give it a go.
[0:56:24] Eric: Did we find them? Did not, did Jeff not find all your packages?
[0:56:28] Gavin: Uh, I found them. No, they found some, but Sarah was annoyed that someone took all of my Achievement Hunter merch. Do you think Andrew has transitioned to the, uh, floor that contains his kitchen already? Do you think he's
[0:56:43] Geoff: hurt his ankle yet?
[0:56:44] Eric: A hundred percent. I was about to say, he's absolutely hurt his ankle. His mic is muted, which is a great point from Nick. He's screaming. Yeah. He's screaming from the other room and we can't hear him.
[0:56:54] Geoff: He's, uh, he's limping back right now. This is going to be rough.
[0:56:59] Andrew: Okay.
[0:56:59] Geoff: So I have the bread.
[0:57:00] Gavin: That was way faster than I was expecting. I was about to bring up laser tag and everything, but go ahead.
[0:57:06] Andrew: I'm trying, I mean, I don't know what you mean by go ahead. I'm trying to slip this. You definitely can't bend it.
[0:57:11] Geoff: I mean, maybe with pliers, but it would, I'll say too, uh, one thing I did find out, I was showing it off to Emily and, uh, she was agreeing that it's beautiful and she was wondering why it was light blue and I was like, I don't know, I think that's just what color they all are. Turns out that's not the case. The color, they're color dependent based on the day they were put out. So light blue is Monday. What? So apparently, like if you see a bread tag and it's light blue at the store, you know that that bread has been out since Monday. If it's green, it's been out since whatever day that is. Yeah. Didn't I? Seems to be struggling.
[0:57:41] Andrew: I think, uh, yeah, I've ripped, I'm ripping holes into the bread bag itself. Yeah. Trying to, it's pinching it. It's pretty sharp metal. It is pretty sharp metal. Um, yeah, I don't think, I don't think this works at, in any way. I was wrong. I think I was dramatically wrong.
[0:58:00] Geoff: Yeah, you'll mangle, you'll mangle it real fast. Uh, by it, I mean the plastic.
[0:58:04] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:58:05] Geoff: I'll try and pick up mine to try next week.
[0:58:06] Andrew: If you, if you get it, you deserve a medal of some kind. This is,
[0:58:10] Geoff: you, if you, if you do it, you're the bread tag champion
[0:58:13] Gavin: of the face, that's for sure. I'll just put a chain around the bread, bread clip and that could be a medal.
[0:58:17] Andrew: become a chain guy with a bread clip thing. Oh, I would wear that.
[0:58:27] Geoff: I would wear that too. I would wear that. Yeah, let's make him chains. Don't forget though, if you have a pacemaker, uh, or some sort of a metal implant that is a magnet, I don't want to, I don't want you wearing a bread tag around your heart that's going to cause you to have a heart attack. Uh, okay, well, I guess that's, uh, as Andrew, uh, I'll go ahead and say thank you for listening to another episode of face. This was episode 107. You have survived it. Congratulations. Uh, as always, season three, uh, you know, season four, year three, uh, volume one, volume two has got to be coming up pretty soon. I don't know. Uh, we'll see. Leave a like and a comment and a review and a rate and all of those things. And, uh, don't forget to listen next week because we'll be here and we'll be talking and you're going to want to hear what Andrew has to say. Uh, it's going to be interesting and aggravating. Bye. Oh God. And there goes the ankle.
[0:59:27] Geoff: Did this table go over again? It didn't go under.
[0:59:30] Eric: Is this fire extinguisher? Okay.
[0:59:48] Gavin: Buddy, what happened?
[0:59:51] Andrew: Doesn't work.
[0:59:55] Unidentified: Hey guys, major league fan on a 10 day contract. Jack here with a look at next week's episode of face. Welcome to year three. Andrew forgets that he talked about that already. Gavin wants a new phone number. How tall is Panton? Here comes a gift for Jeff. What exactly is a regulation dog? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of face. We'll be right here. Thank you.
